English: Несколько анекдотов
Повешу, чтобы не забыть.
1. Турист спрашивает шотландца:
— Excuse me, why do you call your skirt "a kilt"?
— AAARGH!! Cauze helluva people got killt for calling it "skirt"!!
2. Этот буквально "порвал на части":
On memorial day an old fighter ace is invited to a kindergarten. Kids ask him how many planes he shot down. He says: — Well, one day during the Battle of Britain saw a bunch of fockers in the skies. The first foсker came at me out of the sun, but I out maneuvered him and blasted him down. A second foсker came at me from below, but I looped behind him and gunned the foсker down as well. A third foсker saw this and tried to retreat into the clouds, but… The teacher jumps in: — Children, before the story continues, you have to learn that Focker is the type of plane German air force used to fly during World War II. Pilot: — Yeah, that’s right. But them particular fockers were flying Messerschmitts.
3. Третий из комментариев:
-Why do you call your software "beta"?
-'coz it's beta than nothing.
|Страница 1 из 2|
|<<||  ||>>|
Ну, имхо из всех этих -лучший :-)
первый - зе бест
я сначала въезжал, а потом упал пацтол ))
|Date:||Ноябрь 24, 2010 01:26 pm|| |
Еще ужасно смешно про fOckin' island и yesterdie
Это австралийские ?
Мне нравится древний английский анекдот про onion.
во втором я не очень понял, почему "them" а не "these"... это ошибка, или мой иглиш совсем худ?
Тут ты прав. Мне тоже резануло глаз, но я поленился и не исправил сразу)
Там игра слов:
"fockers" и "fuckers".
Изначально предполагается, что рассказчик под "fockers" подразумевал гитлеровский самолет "Фокке-Вульф", он же "фоккер" на жаргоне.
Got it ? )
Оба на английском порадовали. :)
В первом шотландец говорит, как орк из Warhammer 40000
|Date:||Ноябрь 24, 2010 03:07 pm|| |
2-й знаком мне по фрихостовским дням, он там был популярен, а вот первый - да, волшебно.
|Date:||Ноябрь 24, 2010 05:21 pm|| |
|Date:||Ноябрь 25, 2010 03:44 am|| |
A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000....
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So, he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"
The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that flea-bitten good-for-nuthin' before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid went on to law school, became a well-paid attorney, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman.
|Date:||Ноябрь 25, 2010 04:01 am|| |
One more again
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
И ваще - ворую. Со ссылкой.
Отель где-то в Азии. Раннее утро. Телефонный разговор между RoomServiсe и Hotel Guest'ом:
Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"
RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes 'means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine.Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No...just put the bother on the side."
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
G : "You're welcome"